Author: Sheri Denkensohn-Trott

Whenever something is truly difficult and challenging, always remember that there will be an end. Good or bad, it will pass. It’s what I call knowing that the experience will at some point be in my rearview mirror. I will look back and see what I thought was insurmountable was ultimately completed. And in most cases I wind up in a better place than I was when I started. The challenge is keeping that perspective.

Rearview mirror has been my motto since the beginning of 2024. We knew that we were going to move, the question was where. Contemplating all the work involved in cleaning through 20 years of accumulated stuff and everything associated with that was not a pleasant thought. Figuring out the numbers and what would make the most sense was part of the practical decision and hoping we could find a place and meet those needs was daunting. Most importantly, we had to find a place with a bedroom big enough for our specialized bed, enough room for us to navigate two wheelchairs and my lift was a challenge in and of itself. At points during the process, I wanted to stop.

Tony and I have a great partnership but through this process we learned even more about each other (yes, you can still do that even after 19 years of marriage). This was a big deal. And everyone manages change differently. Because this was such a big undertaking, our coping mechanisms for a challenging situation were heightened. That meant giving each other permission to accept how the other person dealt with it. I began to understand how he operated and when I saw that, I had to let it go. My mode was the opposite. I need to talk about it, even if I don’t get answers. I get very anxious and at points depressed to the extent that I can’t make decisions, don’t know what to do first, and get very frustrated that I am not being productive. But with Tony’s support, help from trusted family and friends, and digging deep, I was able to get through these natural phases and remember that I had been through them before, albeit in different circumstances.

I must say that it stretched every mental muscle of mind control that I had. Making sure I meditated, exercised, got enough rest, engaged in positive self-talk, figured out the tasks that needed to be accomplished and timeline, and ask for help from friends, proved to be a recipe for accomplishment. Also knowing when to take a break because it is easy once you get going to not stop and then burn out. Definitively I can say that there were points that I truly struggled with being immobile. I thought I was on a roll and then I stopped. This is a pattern that I recognized, and I tried to observe what I was feeling and figure out ways to work through it. These are tools that I have learned but employing them is the key. Sometimes it took longer than others, but I pushed through.

Once we ultimately got into the flow of each aspect of this move it became easier. I won’t bore you with all the steps (except to say that one of my assistants became friends with the folks at Goodwill; I was constantly rolling to drop off books at the library; and, we learned about every nook and cranny of Arlington to drop off different items), when I look back, I am very proud of what we achieved.

There were many mixed emotions on moving day when we looked at an empty terrace, rooms bare of furniture, and more decisions regarding preparation for sale. And even at our apartment, we aren’t completely done yet as there are boxes in storage that need to be dealt with, changes around the edges to be made, computer issues to solve, and more to be hung on the walls. Yes, we will be calling on our expert family and friends.

I don’t like moving, but I am pleased to finally look at it in the rearview mirror. We are making a new home and there will be many happy memories. I feel unburdened by being organized with less. We have made it to the end point of our goal for the year.