Author: Sheri Denkensohn-Trott
Over the past week, my body has not kept up with what my mind wants to do. I’ve reduced my expectations in this area as I am someone who certainly would be on the go nonstop, but that would likely not be realistic even if I didn’t have a disability.
As Gilda Radner would say, “If it’s not one thing it’s another.” Backache, stomachache, overall lethargy, and not wanting to socialize. I ruminate and play detective over what is causing each thing and sometimes I am a successful sleuth and other times I take a break and hope that things go back to some level of normalcy. At the same time, items connected to my body that need to work so I can be independent also frustrate me. My splints are not holding up so that means my pen and stylus are not working properly. My wheelchair is making noises and is not working well with my lockdown in the van. Those can be investigated and solved, but there is a backdrop of everything else going on in life, so they just get put on the list even though they are annoying and need fixing.
I don’t like to be a complainer, so I try to suck it up and make it through the day doing as much as I can. I don’t push myself through things like I used to. I’m better at canceling or doing less. In all honesty, I know it’s the right thing to do but it doesn’t make me happy. I hope that the next day will be better, and I will do what I can to mitigate the issues. Exercise, sleep, healthy diet, I know the drill.
I know it is not worth worrying, and life brings a variety of curveballs. Sometimes I can dodge them, other times it’s a clean catch and I solve the issue, and some balls knock me for a loop. All I can do is keep moving forward and hope that my body issues will improve. If/When that occurs it is much easier to deal with everything else.
As I look back over this blog, it bothers me because it really does not express any happiness or offer any hints about positive ways that you can deal with negative issues. But when I think about it, I realize there is nothing wrong with having a really bad day once in a while even if you are usually a happy-go-lucky upbeat person. It always makes me think of the saying that begins “Don’t forget you’re human. It’s okay to have a meltdown. Just don’t unpack and live there.”
I realized I have unrealistic expectations. There are people I have rubber-stamped and cataloged and hoisted onto a pedestal [any platform higher than mine.] I think they are leaders or role-models or influencers or persons-of-authority or famous or looked-up to or even just seen a lot.
And THEY–not me, cuz I’m not them–THEY wobble on that pedestal. And I want a measure of decorum, devotion, & duty at all times. Drats. Thought I had deleted that flaw from my character. But, it worked it’s way to the surface in other recent circumstances.
So, Sheri, I thank you for being. Being honest. Being honestly depleted and just blogging away. And again, for BEING. I’m grateful you came into conversation on my “platform” March 20 this year!
Christine – So well put. I’m grateful I was on your platform and you speak the truth. I also view others with that view of perfection and hold myself to unrealistic expectations. It’s a hard thing to keep in check. I try to recognize it and move on but other times it definitely sits too long.
Well said! Expresses what so many of us feel.
Mary – Debated about writing it, but being authentic is the only way I know how to roll.