Author: Tony Trott

Everybody is different. Sure, we have certain people with whom we have similarities and some with whom we differ drastically, but no two people are exactly the same. This can cause problems or it can be beneficial, and a lot of the time that choice is up to you. I think it goes without saying that if you accept someone’s uniqueness and differences from you, you will both be happier.

This uniqueness often becomes apparent during the holiday season when gifts are given. I think to be happy we need to focus on the “given” part of that sentence. In many cases families have traditions. When there are a lot of children, gifts are in abundance. As people get older, some families and friends continue to give as it becomes tradition. Others choose a name and give a gift to one person, and in some cases set a monetary limit. More recently, as people get older and don’t want to accumulate “stuff” they choose a charity and give to that. In my view, it should be a personal choice, even though in some situations it can get a little dicey.

For instance, what about that friend that you have been exchanging with for over 20 years and it has become routine. But it is expensive to send a gift, and you haven’t seen the person in so long that you don’t even know what they need. How do you break that cycle? Is it rude to stop? Maybe it’s time to be honest and have a conversation. You never know, the friend may feel the same way.

And let’s address cards (hahaha). We love receiving them and it is nice to see pictures of families and their children. But it is stressful in many cases to send cards and for those of us with disabilities, it takes an inordinate amount of time and effort. We have resorted to electronic cards and don’t send to everyone we know. In some cases, it may wind up in spam, but we have decided to make it easier and cheaper when it comes to cards.

In the gift giving area, it is important to consider your budget, whether it makes you happy to give the gift, and to keep things within reason. My wife and I do not exchange gifts. We are at the point in our lives where we buy what we need during the year, and we try not to be extravagant. That doesn’t mean we won’t treat ourselves to a nice dinner, plan a special outing or try a unique dessert to celebrate the season. It helps that my birthday falls on December 30! We find the holidays to be most important as a time to spend with family and friends. Making memories is a joy. It doesn’t cost an arm and a leg, especially if you don’t have to travel far. It takes effort and planning, but for many, it is worth it.

In short, try not to get caught up in giving just to give. Look for ways to give as you want, not because it is an obligation. It’s okay to speak up. If the other person is offended, you may have to deal with that in the way that is best for you, but spending and giving when it doesn’t feel right is not going to make you happy.